Our family and Insight...

 

 Mother's Day was Wonderful- lots of flowers, homemade truffles, breakfast in bed, the kids singing at church, steaks for dinner, angel food with whipped cream and strawberries for dessert and great company too!  I couldn't have asked for a better day (minus a touch of whining that is in every day)...

 

I just didn't think I would LOSE it today and cry during class! We discussed Christ's parables about the lost sheep, the woman's lost coin and the prodigal son. The one that hit me the most was the woman who had 10 coins and lost one...

 

"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents" (Luke 15:8-10).

In the illustration, the sinner is likened to a valuable coin which has been lost. The woman does not take a lax attitude towards her lost possession. No. First she lights a lamp, necessarily expending oil, so that she can see clearly. Next, instead of simply glancing here and there, she uses a broom or some utensil to sweep her house so that she can reach places that might otherwise be inaccessible to her. Above all, she searches carefully. There is no hint of indifference, only diligence. This coin was valuable; she must find it at all costs.

 

I sat there thinking to myself- I am that woman- but, looking for my lost child/ren- not a coin. Am I sweeping the floors and looking in every nook and cranny to find the precious soul that is lost from us. The ones who have not yet made it here to our family? What is holding me back from seeking diligently?

 

I bawled as these words ran across my mind- I cannot be complacent or indifferent or expect that God will just open the heavens and drop a child into our family!

 YES we are hoping, NO- I'm not seeking- BUT WE SHOULD BE?

 Each soul is so precious to Him and to Us.

 

So, what was holding me back?

 FEAR and Judgment...

 

I think deep down I am afraid of heart break if we are chosen and then placement doesn't happen.

I'm afraid of building that close relationship with another birth family and them thinking I am not all I blog to be! I am afraid other adoptive parents will be ticked off if we adopt another child and they still wait for one child. I am afraid they will think I am just trying to be greedy or am selfish. I think others will judge me b/c I already have four and what could she possibly think she is capable of?

I am so sad when I think of the kids in the orphanages and we desire to adopt from there as well but, what if the international home study denies us, or if it takes 4-6 years?

 

These are all valid fears but, Fear comes from the Adversary (satan) and LOVE comes from God.

And now that I am having the self awareness that I too can operate out of fear- I CHOSE to NOT give credence to Fear Anymore!  SO what, people will always judge and think whatever they want to think of me, my family, our life etc- I could honestly care less! So, some will be mad that we are hoping to adopt again- the children that come in our family were never meant for anyone else anyways! What I care about is how God Sees me and judges me and we are Following His divine inspiration to have our family grow through adoption! 

 

Yes, we may get hurt and disappointed but, these are part of our learning experiences and I can't worry about all the WHAT ifs! There are just too many- and if God sees fit for us to add another Child or Children to our family- nothing will Stand in His Way.  I will Trust in His timing and His LOVE for us! Whether we wait for a few years or we get a call tomorrow- we will be thrilled and Embrace His Will for our Family!

 

We will be Ready For Whatever and Whomever Comes our way and LOVE IT!

 

So grateful for my friend for snapping a quick pic on Mother's Day!

The early pictures were all pretty typical- kids looking every which way, some not wanting to even smile and others ready to leap out of your arms but, we survived a 2 minute shoot and at least one is good!