"So, Do you think we are Done now?" I asked Brandon, as I had man other times. His response was the same as it had been the last two months. " I don't really know." And for the next weeks this question would keep coming up.
Finally, 2 weeks before Celise's finalization for her adoption to be made complete, I asked again and he answered almost the same as He had before. But this time I said " If we are not sure now, then we are not done. We are not complete. " Brandon quietly responded " Yeah, We aren't done. " What followed was a week of contacting our casework to do a home study update BEFORE Celise's adoption was closed or we would have had to start the home study process all over again. That means finger prints, background checks, home visits, interview and miles of laborious paperwork. And of course, it costs so much more. So, together we decided to give our selves 3.5 more years and if nothing happened, that would be it for us. It never felt right saying we were done and Yes people thought we were nuts ( i still think we are nuts, actually).
When I told my father that we were planning to adopt again whenever God and the Universe saw fit He said " WHY?" I said "WHY NOT? We have enough love, time, resources and the Desire is undeniably there. " " Good answers. " He chimed back.
I asked and prayed for guidance through this process and although I had very vivid prompting and personal revelations about Celise and her birth mom, Dausi, It wasn't the same this time around.
I mean, I had peace about the whole process and that never left me once but, no clear distinct path as to how this would all come about. So, onward we went.
" How do your other kids feel about adding another child? Are you open to age, siblings, twins?" Asked Emily F, our LFS caseworker. " More than once our children had brought up things like I can't wait to have our last kids. I feel like we are missing some children still, mom. Said Brielle. I don't think we are all here yet mom. And when asked if we would get chosen for a boy or a girl, Slade would answer "both of them, A boy and a Girl" ( oh how wise are those tiny children so close to God and his Angels) He never really deviated from saying BOTH of THEM, either.
"Yeah, Yes, we are open to children 0-3.5, siblings etc" he responded to Emily. I actually waited for B to say anything before I opened my mouth. He felt what I did, except for all the fatherly pressure He carries on his shoulders, that I do not- weighed on Him in that very sentence.
Over the next weeks we redid our profile book, got physicals, and filled out just a few forms this time. Uncle Josh still lived with us
( Gavin's birth dads younger brother) and We knew at some point He'd be looking at a place of his own to purchase. We didn't mind helping him out and love him very much but, we needed a room back before any baby could come here. Brandon also decided He didn't want to adopt again in this house. So, we looked at what was coming up for sale constantly on the CHFR site.
Slowly, over the next few months I started to receive some strong personal revelations that came to my mind and heart about this upcoming adoption. I didn't ask to know or find out details from God and the Universe- I guess you could say I was just OPEN to whatever. I remember talking to my friends Abby, Christine and Jessica about this info I was receiving. I knew without a doubt that the next Birth mom to come into out life would Be older or of a sisterly age, closer to mine and I knew that she'd have CHILDREN- not a child but, more than 1 kiddo. I also talked about siblings and more than one with my confidants. They kept saying " You know its more than one, don't you?" And I did feel like we might adopt a sibling set but, never thought twins because, let's be Honest for second, who'd chose a family with 5 children already?
Well, we pressed on with our home search during the months to come instead of focusing on when or where or who would be coming our way.
Lot's of homes were just wonderful, that came up on the market and we were certain we'd sell this summer. As the summer approached, we were now more focused on vacations coming up and visiting with friends and family. We planned a BIG trip for late June and the bulk of July! So, with that in mind we lined up some workers to finish projects around our home and realized we just wouldn't finish on time for the summer season to sell our home so, we put it on the back burner. Two days after We got home it was time to focus on getting ready for the UFA BIRTH PARENT RETREAT coming up. I came home to multiple projects going on in the house, my hubby converted the inside storage room to a reptile room and boxes were EVERYWHERE! I felt overwhelmed but, alas, I had to press on and get these boxes sorted and out to the shed and to focus on the retreat. My friend Christina came over to help me one day with birth mom Swag bags. She walked down my hall and into my dining room and exclaimed : " Did you See that situation with the Expectant mom who is having TWINS, on the Premier site?"
"No, I'm not re-registered with them yet. That's going to be so HARD for someone. I bet she picks someone with one or no kids. My sister has twins and I watched her juggle and struggle those first few years It was exhausting for her! But, read her bio to me just for kicks!"
" Birth mother J is expecting twins in August/Sept , has 4 children, is 36 yrs of age ( at this point my ears perked up and waves of tingles and the Spirit washed over my being) would love an open adoption with the family she chooses, is open to traditional couples, christian in theology and open to couples with children already in the home..."
I am sure Christina watched my face as it went from mere interest to OH MY GOSH! I HAVE TO APPLY FOR THIS SITUATION!" She looked at me with a puzzled look and within an hour or two I was on the phone with Isabel over at Premier. I chatted with her about it for a second and her basic response " We have MANY couples interested in the babies already with us and...( I kindly cut her off) "It's less about the babies for me and more about this Emom. Twins are going to be hard and I'm not in LA LA LAND about what it will take. I do feel it's of course very special but, reality is it's going to be tough for a long time." I told her about my spiritual impressions and how I've only applied to 2 other situations since we went down this path again. I told her about the confirming chills and peace I had no matter what. I even told her I'd happily be at the back of the line and no need to show us until all other families could go first. We are not in a rush but, trying to just be OPEN no matter what.
At last, she decided that she'd be happy with us getting our digital profile over and yes, we'd be at the back of the HAP pool/list what-have-you and our profile would not be shown immediately and I was totally fine with it. Whatever is meant to be, will happen. I went To bed that night with peace. Our digital profile pages were in her hands and the rest was not up to me.
And luckily the agency knew us quite well because we had just adopted Celise through them 16 short months ago and we had referred a ton of couples and families to them! So, we had a small sliver of a chance but, like we said were in no RUSH at all...