I have tried to write this blog post at least 7 times in the last 10 months. It's truly the hardest thing to start and really to finish.
WHY? Why is it so hard ? Well, because what I'm writing, living and understanding is, that not everyone is going to like what I'm going to say.... And That's Fine with me (now). But 9/10 months ago my skin wasn't so thick and my journey was still in the exploration stages.
Anyways, Here it is...
I left the Mormon Church I so dearly loved. And so did my whole family.
There, I said it! (sound the trumpets of judgment now)
Many Outsiders ( non-mormons) have said : " Who cares! Thank God above. We've been praying for you, It's your Journey and I wish for the best for you" ( apathy or general Love)
Most Mormons generally respond with things like:
( these are what I've actually heard)
"You are going to lose your kids, your family. "You are following Satan. Your opinion is BS. You listened to some one's opinion and are following the ways of the World - Not God" "You can still come back. It will be difficult but, you can do it" "I can't believe you are willing to Give up your family forever" "What did you read? Did your hubby push you into leaving? You will not find happiness and joy outside of the Church. Did you just wake up and think, I want to give up on all these rules and being LDS? Are you going to love us/ like us any less? You must have never had a TRUE Testimony anyways. I guess you are one of the Tares. In the last days many people will falter and leave the church- you must be one of the weak ones who fell" ( fear based/ feelings based emotions)
FEW mormons have responded with " My friendship doesn't stop bc you left . I like you no matter what" "you are still welcomed here, I'm glad you found what makes you happy and you have peace about it. It's important you find what works for you.
Now...
If you are still reading this and didn't immediately block me bc I'm now a Horrific Person- Thank you- you are better than most. If you did- You likely aren't a true friend anyways and your love and friendship were Conditional.
So, Here's a bit of my story...
I went on a personal inquest to understand God's Unconditional Love for Me, to work through some grief, current guilt and shame of never Feeling like I am Enough, doing enough etc ( in the Mormon faith we are taught to BE YE PERFECT, regular temple attendance, read the BOM daily, fulfill a calling, have food storage, do genealogy, eat clean ( barely any mormons actually keep the WOW), keep your home like a temple, serve people in your ward and friends, pay a full tithe- otherwise you will have blessings withheld), and to understand the History of the Mormon Church I was literally upholding to the T.
I was a YW presidency leader, Held a temple recommend, loved all those I served and stayed out of the gossip chains. I focused on doing my best and still- things were unsettled and missing. SO, it must mean I need to get a better understanding of My faith and church History. So, I started at Square one- Joseph Smith.....
( the rest of the story you can talk personally to me about)
Needless to say- that Journey included continued Prayer, credible resources from the church, understanding Christianity and the differences between it and Mormons view of Christians (just fyi- Mormons do think you are following the Great and Abominable Church- and Following Satan too) and Understanding GRACE.
I started re-reading the non-mormon bible, signed up for a community bible study, a women's small group with my friend Kim, called Listen to My Life , visiting many other churches, reading Jesus's own words ( there's a bible with all RED LETTERS out there to see distinctly what Jesus Spoke to Us), joined a women's small group to discuss more with Flatirons Non-denominational Church and TWO Mops Groups ( mothers of Preschoolers- non-denominational women's group).
Why so many things? Well, when you leave a Church or peer group- you need to Find your tribe and develop new friendships with people who are authentic and will embrace you- for being you- not for being a certain faith . (BTW- I have no hard feelings for the ppl in the church who have dropped off the face of the earth. Ya'll are still awesome and I will always say Hi and have a love for you. For those in my old church whom I'm still friends with- you ROCK- you are awesome and that won't change)....
I Decided that IF I was going to make this massive change, I needed TWO THINGS outside of immediate family support..... JESUS and WOMEN! We all need support and leaving the RS sisterhood was hard. The LDS church does the whole carrying each other's burdens pretty well. And guess what? So does MOPS. I've brought meals, help with humanitarian efforts and engaged in wonderful socials outside of our regular meetings. I could continue to go on about Mops but, this is not the post to do so. back to my journey...
At the core of my desiring to Learn about my former faith was the Desire to have a more intimate relationship with God, my Father in Heaven and to fully Understand Grace- the Free Gift of Love that comes from Jesus- and only through His Atonement and Sacrifice on the Cross are we Saved.
I did chat with one friend of mine who is a TBM ( true believing Mormon) and we brought up- that People who leave the church are generally not happier..... I thought that too at one time.....But, what I am understanding more, is that people who Leave God out of this very hard transition, tend to look for all the right things ( comfort, support, connection, validation, friendships, self-worth etc) in all the WRONG places. The old adage "misery seeks company" applies here. BUT, it's a personal journey for every individual and I hope everyone finds peace and love regardless of what they choose.
SO, as I stated, I did NOT leave God out of this process. I did however start from Scratch on who I thought God was/ is. My friend told me " Whatever BOX you have God in- Rip it up and start over- He is so much more than you think He is!" Thank you Viv for saying this to me. I needed to hear that.
You may notice a few changes in my life and some may make Mormons feel uncomfortable. I am not sorry you feel uncomfortable and I kinda don't care what YOU or OTHERS may think. I care most about WHAT GOD THINKS about ME, MY heart, My Family and all those in my Sphere of influence.
Here's what you can Expect from me now:
Unconditional LOVE FOR YOU- right where you are at- Don't change a thing- God is already loving you just as you are now.
Different styles of clothes ( be warned you may see my porn shoulders- LOL)
Trying new things and meeting new people
Authentic, Vulnerable Conversations about Real Stuff that Matters
No Judgments on however someone is living their life differently than I am
More Time-In with my kids and Family ( less church commitments on Sundays and weekdays)
Lots of FUN POSTS and Some Open Dialogue as I continue Growing in my Journey.
I WILL LISTEN TO YOU and Not Shut you Down when you share a different view than I do.
I will be serving in other roles in churches, mops etc and continuing to speak God's truth into those in my sphere. I won't be mean but, will call a spade a spade.
What Has Already changed:
Well- I lost weight- about 7 lbs in like 2 weeks, from the internal stress I had been carrying around
to become perfect. Then, with hormonal help, diet, exercise, I dropped another 23. whoohoo!!!
My relationship with God is bolder and deeper and so much more dynamic
I wake up with PEACE every morning and don't think of the endless things I need to do to EARN my place in the Celestial Kingdom (grace is free- eternal families and eternal love is taught in all Christian religions and actually most faiths. Mormon theology teaches faith without works is dead-and if you are not sealed in a temple- you won't be with your family in the hereafter. Christianity teaches Works are an outpouring of God's love. )
I know I AM ENOUGH now- Through Jesus I am Enough. I am finally okay that I am a GOOD PERSON
I have more open dialogue and deeper love for my fellow humans. It's uncanny, right? I generally LOVE everyone even more than i did before this transition. Why? bc I have no internal motive to maybe convert you some day so we can party in the Celestial heavens together. And
What Won't Change:
My love for Adoption and Fostering, Humanitarian Efforts
Our friendships- unless you decide to bail- I can respect that
Healthy Living choices in General
Me- I will still be fun, silly, creative, ambitious, ridiculously flawed ME! Hope you are okay with that.
Just thought you should know.
*COMMENTS are TURNED OFF for a reason. I don't want this to be a space for arguing- Only for my peeps to come to understand my Perspective and Walk with Faith. Ya'll are always welcome to reach out, call, text, and will be greeted with nothing but love!
GOD IS LOVE- HIS LOVE IS REAL AND UNCONDITIONAL!
WHY? Why is it so hard ? Well, because what I'm writing, living and understanding is, that not everyone is going to like what I'm going to say.... And That's Fine with me (now). But 9/10 months ago my skin wasn't so thick and my journey was still in the exploration stages.
Anyways, Here it is...
I left the Mormon Church I so dearly loved. And so did my whole family.
Many Outsiders ( non-mormons) have said : " Who cares! Thank God above. We've been praying for you, It's your Journey and I wish for the best for you" ( apathy or general Love)
Most Mormons generally respond with things like:
( these are what I've actually heard)
"You are going to lose your kids, your family. "You are following Satan. Your opinion is BS. You listened to some one's opinion and are following the ways of the World - Not God" "You can still come back. It will be difficult but, you can do it" "I can't believe you are willing to Give up your family forever" "What did you read? Did your hubby push you into leaving? You will not find happiness and joy outside of the Church. Did you just wake up and think, I want to give up on all these rules and being LDS? Are you going to love us/ like us any less? You must have never had a TRUE Testimony anyways. I guess you are one of the Tares. In the last days many people will falter and leave the church- you must be one of the weak ones who fell" ( fear based/ feelings based emotions)
FEW mormons have responded with " My friendship doesn't stop bc you left . I like you no matter what" "you are still welcomed here, I'm glad you found what makes you happy and you have peace about it. It's important you find what works for you.
Now...
If you are still reading this and didn't immediately block me bc I'm now a Horrific Person- Thank you- you are better than most. If you did- You likely aren't a true friend anyways and your love and friendship were Conditional.
So, Here's a bit of my story...
I went on a personal inquest to understand God's Unconditional Love for Me, to work through some grief, current guilt and shame of never Feeling like I am Enough, doing enough etc ( in the Mormon faith we are taught to BE YE PERFECT, regular temple attendance, read the BOM daily, fulfill a calling, have food storage, do genealogy, eat clean ( barely any mormons actually keep the WOW), keep your home like a temple, serve people in your ward and friends, pay a full tithe- otherwise you will have blessings withheld), and to understand the History of the Mormon Church I was literally upholding to the T.
I was a YW presidency leader, Held a temple recommend, loved all those I served and stayed out of the gossip chains. I focused on doing my best and still- things were unsettled and missing. SO, it must mean I need to get a better understanding of My faith and church History. So, I started at Square one- Joseph Smith.....
( the rest of the story you can talk personally to me about)
I NEVER LEFT GOD OUT OF THIS PROCESS AND HIS SPIRIT IS STILL WITH ME
Needless to say- that Journey included continued Prayer, credible resources from the church, understanding Christianity and the differences between it and Mormons view of Christians (just fyi- Mormons do think you are following the Great and Abominable Church- and Following Satan too) and Understanding GRACE.
I started re-reading the non-mormon bible, signed up for a community bible study, a women's small group with my friend Kim, called Listen to My Life , visiting many other churches, reading Jesus's own words ( there's a bible with all RED LETTERS out there to see distinctly what Jesus Spoke to Us), joined a women's small group to discuss more with Flatirons Non-denominational Church and TWO Mops Groups ( mothers of Preschoolers- non-denominational women's group).
Why so many things? Well, when you leave a Church or peer group- you need to Find your tribe and develop new friendships with people who are authentic and will embrace you- for being you- not for being a certain faith . (BTW- I have no hard feelings for the ppl in the church who have dropped off the face of the earth. Ya'll are still awesome and I will always say Hi and have a love for you. For those in my old church whom I'm still friends with- you ROCK- you are awesome and that won't change)....I Decided that IF I was going to make this massive change, I needed TWO THINGS outside of immediate family support..... JESUS and WOMEN! We all need support and leaving the RS sisterhood was hard. The LDS church does the whole carrying each other's burdens pretty well. And guess what? So does MOPS. I've brought meals, help with humanitarian efforts and engaged in wonderful socials outside of our regular meetings. I could continue to go on about Mops but, this is not the post to do so. back to my journey...
At the core of my desiring to Learn about my former faith was the Desire to have a more intimate relationship with God, my Father in Heaven and to fully Understand Grace- the Free Gift of Love that comes from Jesus- and only through His Atonement and Sacrifice on the Cross are we Saved.
I did chat with one friend of mine who is a TBM ( true believing Mormon) and we brought up- that People who leave the church are generally not happier..... I thought that too at one time.....But, what I am understanding more, is that people who Leave God out of this very hard transition, tend to look for all the right things ( comfort, support, connection, validation, friendships, self-worth etc) in all the WRONG places. The old adage "misery seeks company" applies here. BUT, it's a personal journey for every individual and I hope everyone finds peace and love regardless of what they choose.
SO, as I stated, I did NOT leave God out of this process. I did however start from Scratch on who I thought God was/ is. My friend told me " Whatever BOX you have God in- Rip it up and start over- He is so much more than you think He is!" Thank you Viv for saying this to me. I needed to hear that.
You may notice a few changes in my life and some may make Mormons feel uncomfortable. I am not sorry you feel uncomfortable and I kinda don't care what YOU or OTHERS may think. I care most about WHAT GOD THINKS about ME, MY heart, My Family and all those in my Sphere of influence.
Here's what you can Expect from me now:
Unconditional LOVE FOR YOU- right where you are at- Don't change a thing- God is already loving you just as you are now.
Different styles of clothes ( be warned you may see my porn shoulders- LOL)
Trying new things and meeting new people
Authentic, Vulnerable Conversations about Real Stuff that Matters
No Judgments on however someone is living their life differently than I am
More Time-In with my kids and Family ( less church commitments on Sundays and weekdays)
Lots of FUN POSTS and Some Open Dialogue as I continue Growing in my Journey.
I WILL LISTEN TO YOU and Not Shut you Down when you share a different view than I do.
I will be serving in other roles in churches, mops etc and continuing to speak God's truth into those in my sphere. I won't be mean but, will call a spade a spade.
What Has Already changed:
Well- I lost weight- about 7 lbs in like 2 weeks, from the internal stress I had been carrying around
to become perfect. Then, with hormonal help, diet, exercise, I dropped another 23. whoohoo!!!
My relationship with God is bolder and deeper and so much more dynamic
I wake up with PEACE every morning and don't think of the endless things I need to do to EARN my place in the Celestial Kingdom (grace is free- eternal families and eternal love is taught in all Christian religions and actually most faiths. Mormon theology teaches faith without works is dead-and if you are not sealed in a temple- you won't be with your family in the hereafter. Christianity teaches Works are an outpouring of God's love. )
I know I AM ENOUGH now- Through Jesus I am Enough. I am finally okay that I am a GOOD PERSON
I have more open dialogue and deeper love for my fellow humans. It's uncanny, right? I generally LOVE everyone even more than i did before this transition. Why? bc I have no internal motive to maybe convert you some day so we can party in the Celestial heavens together. AndWhat Won't Change:
My love for Adoption and Fostering, Humanitarian Efforts
Our friendships- unless you decide to bail- I can respect that
Healthy Living choices in General
Me- I will still be fun, silly, creative, ambitious, ridiculously flawed ME! Hope you are okay with that.
Just thought you should know.
*COMMENTS are TURNED OFF for a reason. I don't want this to be a space for arguing- Only for my peeps to come to understand my Perspective and Walk with Faith. Ya'll are always welcome to reach out, call, text, and will be greeted with nothing but love!
GOD IS LOVE- HIS LOVE IS REAL AND UNCONDITIONAL!
