Our Family ~ April 2017

Our Family ~ April 2017

Sunday, May 21, 2017

10 Stupid things People do to Mess up their Profiles...

Hey Hopeful Adoptive Couples!
 You know, I'm totally FOR you adopting a baby or child, right? Good, because I want you to take some POINTERS from this Momma who has adopted (or has been matched) 3 times in under 6 months! First adoption was 10 days, second was just about 6 months and third was 2 months till we were matched and 9 weeks later CeCe was born. ( learn more about our adventures by checking out our pages or our PODCAST on the Adoption Now Radio Show)!

SO, I'm giving these pointers as a play on this awesome Dr. Laura Book ( there is also a MEN's version)  mostly, so I don't have to keep repeating myself to unsuspecting and under-educated new adoptive hopefuls.  These things come from a 11.5 year devotion to adoption advocacy, parenting, working with birth parents and running the non-profit for adoption which is heavily involved in birth parent advocacy and support for over 8 years. ( FSA AND UFA)

*disclaimer: no two expectant parents are alike- all will be looking for someone or something different and there are NO guarantees that if you follow these pointers that you will "get a baby" within the time frames that worked for us.


10. MAKE  PROMISES/ TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE - 
unless you are fortune teller/ intuitive please refrain from going in to much depth about what you will and won't do as parents/ with you relationship with Expectant mom etc. It's just bad form- Tell them what you HAVE done already. Proof is what you have already accomplished! It's obviously okay to say a few things about your future plans just not in an abundance. Especially when you have no idea as to what her life situation is or her hopes/dreams for her baby.

9. BE TOO VAGUE- Saying "We love Ice Cream and We love the Outdoors" does not give the reader much insight or specifics on who you are so Be SPECIFIC and say" Mint chip in a waffle cone is my way to beat a HOT day after a long hike in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado"  get my drift?

8. REPEAT TOO OFTEN- no wants to here that you love the beach and your dog on every other page or that your child will be cherished or I like Tacos repeated- so just go through your book and look at your letter and your closing page and everything in between. this is your chance to represent your true self in every word! Be Creative! Make your words Matter


7. LEAD W/ YOUR INFERTILITY- ugh, this happens too much- Remember who your Reader is- a woman or a couple facing unplanned pregnancy, a victim of rape, abuse, a younger or older woman who is finding her self in this very tough position of "Searching for Parents for HER
baby" So, although you want to share your heartache and story- save it for a later page or better yet- write that you will discuss it further in person, if she wishes to know. It's totally such a touchy subject but, for once- just put yourself in her mind for a second- your glamorous life spread out on a beautiful book while your opening words are about how you "have pcos and miscarried 3 times or how you spent 40k and 8 years you will never see again" is jut not a way to start off and It's sad/ negative so START with engaging information about who YOU ARE!

6. BRAG TOO MUCH/ TALK ABOUT MONEY-
It's wonderful you have two boats and go to Hawaii every year because the Expectant mom is looking for a blissful , fun life for sure but, after like 6 pages of all vacations and THINGS or too much of your giant house- it yet again, feels intimidating and maybe, just maybe she can't envision herself in your wild and fun life ( or her child for that matter) seems too Good for me or too good to be true. And NEVER talk about money- ever.  EXPERIENCES are wonderful to share THINGS not so much ( pictures of your cars are not necessary guys!)

5. BE A POSER- Too many posed pictures and no candid pics are a no-go! If everything is so posed and perfect all the time- it feels too intimidating or like your hiding somethings ( like your organic true selves) So put in those phone pictures or ones where you aren't directly making eye contact but interactions are happening. ACTION photos are even better- show us your wake board skills or your FLIPS or your tumbling playful selves. Here's one I love in our home just cooking with my oldest!




4.TALK ABOUT YOUR BABY- so yeah, this child is HER baby- not yours until papers are signed so, do not refer to the baby as YOURS  like " we will love our child as though it was our own"- gag me please now! And BTW you better love this child like a million times more -lol. And do not call her a birth mom in your profile- she is not a birth mom until the act of placing happens. She is a woman and mother just not a birth mother yet. It's a title all birth moms hold very sacred.

3. NOT CROP YOUR PHOTOS - GET CLOSE UP!
Real connections start with your eyes and your smiles! LET'S SEE them ( just not every picture needs to be posed)- here's a GREAT example off of parentprofiles.com ( and yes they are available- so cute!) 

2. HAVE A FUZZY/ UNPROFESSIONAL OPENING PIC OF YOU-
Worst thing ever - don't do it- even if you do look perfect in that dress you love- if its not clear or looks dull- save it for another spot in your slides/book/profile. Set up a quick photo shoot with your local photographer for your adoption profiles pics/ head shots- spend the money - its worth it.
And might i add- MAKE IT POP and not like everyone else out there you see!

1. RUIN YOUR BIRTH PARENT LETTER WITH THESE SENTENCES/Statements:

"Dear Birth Mother," - she is not a birth mom until placement. As my good birth mom friends said- some women in crisis have not even admitted to themselves that they are pregnant, let alone placing their baby yet. Address your letter as if you were speaking to a friend. Suggestions were " Hello there! Hi, We are the____, Dear Expectant parents, Dear Expectant mom, or whatever you are led to!


" I can't imagine what you must be going through"- DUH your not in her shoes so just don't say it.

"I know this is such a hard decision"- another one _ really? you think so?

 " Words can't Express how grateful we are that you are looking at our profile book/ Considering us" _ everyone says this and you are RIGHT words can't express this- at all. so don't try. They know you will be grateful. But, a E mom is not "grateful" that she is in this position and having to make this choice at all. This wasn't Her plan so, although you are grateful- and you mean well, it's like you are saying " I'm grateful you got unexpectedly pregnant and will have to rip your heart out now" UGH too much. 

"this is such a difficult time for you" .- Uh, Yeah, I got that already!!!

 "We know that you probably feel a lot of different emotions right now, ( how'd you guess?) not all of them may be so easy. ( yup) Although we have never met you, we just want to say, you are special and amazing. " ( um, you haven't met me so how do you know that?- I personally am at fault of this one- although. i do feel and have felt very connected long before i ever met our three birth moms, it just comes off sometimes as insincere and off putting. )

 Is that what you really meant to say?
" We want to first say thank you for considering an adoption plan. We realize that it takes a great deal of courage, love and selflessness to make this decision" ( everyone is saying these same things- and YES it doesn't take courage but, guess what- part of why someone chooses to place has nothing to do with adoptive parents- it has to do with where an EM is at in her life and situations not concerning AP's- frankly!)

" If you choose to place your baby with us, we will always be grateful that you trusted us with the most precious gift that life has to offer. You would make our dreams of becoming parents come true. ( um, every adoptive couple feels this way- it's not unique to you and don't assume every reader will want to hear that their baby is a "GIFT" like something you can register for at Nordstrom or Target. Yes, there is an act of giving involved but it's called PLACING a child with another not Giving a Child away.)

 SO these are the TOP 10 Stupid things People do to mess Up their Profiles! Now YOU are informed and can write your letters/ profiles and all things geared towards expectant parents with more LOVE, understanding and clarity.
 

As Always, Love you all so much

* And I hope you find your DREAMS will COME true in and out of Adoption. Also, Remember to Pray for guidance as you write these very important words ( or meditate to mother Earth- whatever floats your boat!)

~CC

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK and Birth moms - any thing I'm missing???? Comment!

Friday, May 12, 2017

Picking and Choosing- Destiny or Desire

I'm going to try and NOT be mean to my own kind here ( adoptive couples/hopefuls) but, I want to give you a bit of RAW advice. It's nothing new or something that hasn't been said before by someone else- It's just time for a reminder- a reminder to your HEART...

START with your HEART, listen to it, find a peaceful place to meditate and listen to your spirit as it connects to your heart and enlightens your mind on  this somewhat of a heavy topic...

WHY are YOU PICKING and CHOOSING, When GOD and the UNIVERSE are trying to line things UP for you to be blessed with a child?

Here's a bit of what I WROTE for Premier Adoptions Newsletter published back in February...
"
To Hopeful Adoptive Couples- I have been in your shoes- I have suffered 5 miscarriages, 2 almost adoptions and brought back a foster baby. This is a tough spot to be in but, It’s WORTH IT! Every time you think you are losing Hope- turn it over to that Higher Power. Open yourself and your heart up as BIG and as freely as you can. I encourage you to check over your  “Wish List”- every so often and make some changes where you can. Don’t expect that God and the Universe are just going to grant you exactly what you want, when you want it. You need to be at least Open enough to Receive what They have in store for you.

goldbox.jpg   Imagine a box all packaged and taped up with a gold ribbon and beautiful paper adorning each side of it. This box is perfect but, IT’S CLOSED! Now try to put something in this box without opening it or messing up the wrapping. Guess what? Yep, you figured it out- you can’t! This box is like your heart and soul. If you keep it wrapped up and safe, you limit the amount that you let in and in turn, actually keep goodness and blessings from coming into it, or coming to you. Look over your profile and your list and ponder on how important some of those things are. How much more vulnerable can you be? How big can you open your heart this month, the Month of LOVE? Do not let Fear hold you back from changing a few things around in your life. Do not the let lack of education stop you from checking that scary box on what you will and won’t be open to. Research it and imagine that if you were biologically going to have a child, and that child came to this Earth with this issue or detail- would you still love and care for the baby? This may be a lot to ask of you but, it is in our Stretching and Bending that we find the truest Growth and Joy! And P.S.- I love you all & Hang in there!"

So, I often here that when people meet their child for the first time- it feels like Destiny! What a grand feeling of connection that is so Meant to be. The Heavens worked together to bring this amazing family together. How incredible and GUESS WHAT? THEY ARE RIGHT! Every single time with our three adoptions- it felt so Powerful, undeniable, that This child , this birth mom, all of us were brought Together for this Higher purpose- LOVE- the love of a child we will all share. 

Why does DESIRE get in the way of Destiny?

Often our Desires are GOOD things but, at times they lead us into places we shouldn't be- into selfish temptations or endeavors we need to now, find our way out of. It all depends on where our desires are coming from- a Place of LOVE/ SERVICE/LIGHT/GOODNESS or a place of FEAR/SELFISHNESS/DARKNESS/HURT etc. for more- look at these LATIN roots of the word . 

SO assess where your desires are coming from- and if it's NOT a place of love you might want to face some hard truths of why you feel this way. 
How is it playing into your PICKING and CHOOSING? How is this FEAR or greed getting in the way of your DESTINY?

Take more time and sit awhile on this. Work through your scary dark places in your heart and start
making room- room for light and love to enter in. I PROMISE YOU- God and the UNIVERSE will guide your path so much more than you ever thought. And remember when a situation that is presented to you seems not right for you- you can always say no. It may just not be the one for you and your family but, at least you are open enough to be receiving these opportunities. 

I truly LOVE the work and guidance I am a tiny part of in this world. You adoptive couples, birth parents and adoptees truly have such a HUGE place in my Own Heart. It's filled with love so much that I can't hold back on pouring it out and sometimes helping in the constructive criticism ways as well. Sorry of any of these words sting a bit- if they do- consider re-reading this or pondering at a later date. Love is always the ROOT of my words ( unless otherwise noted)

Best of luck and all Blessings to all!  


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

BTG

This amazing Gal I Know has been a friend for about 5 years now! BIG TOUGH GIRL! Please consider donating or purchasing some cool swag for your adoption peeps!
She runs an incredible company called

Check out her whole site and her goal of Lifetime Healing!

Did I Mention she is also a birth mother , mother of two and married to a big teddy bear hunk?
YEP! She owns it where ever she is! Love her realness and kind heart! She is a woman of GOD too:)



Thank you Ashley for Supporting adoption and healing and Owning Your Story. You are a life changer in Every way!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Adoption Now Podcast!

I recently had the pleasure of going on the Radio show/ Podcast show Adoption Now, with April Fallon.



She is a STELLAR busy adoptive momma of 4 with her own unique stories too!

I got to share a good bit about our stories and I LOVED it. The only regrets that I have are that I feel like I didn't get to tell Celise's story enough ( we ran out of time ) and we left details out of Brielle's story too.
Brandon listened with me last week as we were folding clothes and said " I should have told this story with all the details!" I agree that He is a terrific talker and I think You may here a podcast from Brandon himself, soon ( cross your fingers). His POV is a bit different than mine and as an adoptee He has very different experiences. Also, some of our story will not be shared- its those intimate details that stay between birth parents and adoptive parents. It's not secret info, its just sacred to us. During birth and placement-  is such an extra special time and we give an incredible investment of love in this process.  Bonds are formed that make us want to have our own special details that only We know about and will rarely share with others.

Any who- Enjoy listening HERE and check out all the other people's stories too!