Welcome! We are an Open adoption family with 5 kids via open adoption and 2 homegrown kids as well- all are Miracles to us! This is our way to journal and share our adventures and musings to help other understand what OPEN ADOPTION looks like to us. Please Check out the other awesome families, who are hoping to adopt, on our side bar!
As you know I help run the local CO chapter of United For Adoption. I do not make any money but, get paid in positive energy and love! Helping families, expectant moms, birth parents and adoptees connect and have a sense of community is so needed and a HUGE part of my heart!
Here's what on the Horizon for MAY...
Here's this YEARS Birth Parent Retreat too!
If you are reading this and want more information on any of these events- leave a comment of message me!
Adoption support and community is so important to all involved and we are blessed to be surrounded
by many adoptive families here in Evergreen, where we live. In my kids' school classes there are at least three-5 adopted kids in EACH class- its pretty awesome and pretty normalized here.
Over the last couple of days, I have been talking with different Agencies and attorneys and I needed some time to reflect upon all this new information I've been processing. I've been talking to ones in the East and MAN, they do things very differently over there and I'm kind of taken aback- like WAY BACK- 50 yrs or so... WHY? Because one agency told me they are TRADITIONAL meaning they are not FOR open adoptions at all. In Fact, you never meet the expectant mom before she has the baby and you don't come to the hospital or anything until papers are signed.
In my heart, that's not right- how would you NOT want to form a relationship with the woman who is choosing you to parent Her child? And in that sentence, I realized that back even 15-20 years ago- most women didn't even have the choice to meet the couples hoping to adopt. That just wasn't the way they did things.
Any who, now things are different and We have the choice to build relationships if that's what the expectant mom wants . And right there is where My heading comes from! IF THAT'S WHAT THE BIRTH MOM/PARENTS WANT...
SO, in all Fairness to the future child/ren we adopt- WE MUST choose the side of love and OPENNESS with whomever chooses our family. I'm sure this will be something they want too- it will be more natural and not forced but may look differently than what we have now.. I can't have my three kids now getting visits ( however they may look) and have one or two kids getting no visits/letters/ packages/ chatting on the phone with them etc. My kid's birth parents are all unique and different and we love them- as they are and of course, hope for only the best in their own lives. I'm blessed every day that they choose to communicate and love on the kids and our whole family. Every visit is treasured, even if it's short. Even if it's just asking each other lots of questions or a quick bite to eat or visit at the Park. Not every vacation is going to be like Peru or Hawaii together but, Each is important and I can't deny one kid that while the others have it.
I've watched from a distance my friends kid have horrible depression b/c she watches her brothers' birth mom come and visit and her birth mom hardly ever sees or calls her. Its too hard on a Kid and MORE LOVE IS ALWAYS BETTER. But, of course if the birth parent needs to step back for a while- then of course it will happen. We all heal in different ways and times of our journey.
SO, I will not Willingly and knowingly go into a closed or semi-open ( meaning only pictures/letters once a year) adoption. It's just not gonna happen. WE love our kid's birth parents, cousins, aunts, uncles , grandmas & grandpas WAY TOO MUCH! Totally blessed by you all!!!!
PS- we had a visit with Kara last week for 3 days, Jessica for two days and in FEB had a trip to Peru with Dustin and Gma Tammy. And if you didn't know- Josh ( uncle josh who is Dustins little brother- lives with us currently)
Oh My Word- this has to be one of the hardest things for most of us to do. Like how often do you meet someone you want to impress and just unload all things private and sacred in your life on them? Practically Never! The same goes for Being In the Adoption community/world. It's a HARD space full of judgement on all sides. And most of those things we all judge each other on, are irrelevant in nature!
Who Cares if you are a stay at home or work at home mom or if you cook dinner ever single night for your kids with 3 different tastes. Who even cares if the expectant mom is living on a diet of kool-aid and Cheetos. The THING I've learned through adopting 3 times is that YOU have to LET things GO that don't matter and you have to LOVE someone where they are at! You can't wish someone better or change the fact that the Adoptive parents let the kid read Goosebumps at age 9 when you think they are too young. Just Stop it.
Let's focus on Building each other UP and seeing the best in one another- even when we aren't at our best. Prime Example: A friend of mine who is just looking into adoption made a comment to me about the circumstance of an EM who is... ( how do i say this nicely;/) an Escort. My friend continued to berate this womans' choices that led her to the place where she is at ( placing baby for adoption soon)
She criticized her lifestyle choices and said she didn't deserve all this help ( birth mom expenses) when who knows what she has been doing with her life, baby's health might be etc. It was tough truth coming from my friend but, not what we should be focusing on.
Instead she could have said something like this " Although, I'm opposed to her lifestyle choices, I'm glad she sees the choice to place as the best option for this baby- what a Strong will this woman has to think of the baby first and try and get out of the occupation she is in. I'm happy to help out a woman in need with some financial help and happy to apply to adopt the baby , if she sees me as an option. "
Godly Love, is something the World over- lacks! When we see other's as God sees them- it's simply easier to Love our fellow brothers and sisters, without judgment.
Let's Face it- we will never see completely eye to Eye with everyone. I don't even see eye to eye with my hubby on everything. The Married couples who say they never ever fight are either lying or one is repressing their own voice to appease the other and not being true at all times. Yet, we still need to be WISE with our sharp tongues and be able to think before we speak as we share our opinions, emotions, views and experiences.
SO, Here we are- Being vulnerable to ALL THE CRITICISM of the World again. I know it's coming and i will pull down the shades to IGNORE the crap out of it. Because the RIGHT people who are FULL of LOVE and real with themselves- won't sit there and judge us. YES, we do have 5 kids, YES, life is a bit chaotic at times but it's nothing we can't handle together. Chaos only lasts for so long. Dishes can stay in the sink over night and every LIVES! Surprise- You are a GOOD PERSON- YOU - the PERSON reading this POST! Yep, you are DIVINE, WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFULLY MADE to shine in this world like no one else can! AND YOU can BE Vulnerable as you Share your Heart with the World.
I won't listen to haters and i will be TRUE to who I am and who I am Becoming through Christ and His Atonement. So, Here's some vulnerable facts/ info that you may or may not like...
I hate cleaning ( its downright sucks) and my house is NEVER perfect ( unless friends are coming over and true friends know i have a counter full of clutter almost every other time they stop by) BUT, i still have to do some of it and I HIRE out help- so what, right? I am currently working on my whole Health right now. My body is NOT where i want it to be and i need to drop some weight ( like 12lbs ish) It hasn't been the same since i did the hormones to try to Nurse Celise. It was worth the effort for bonding that first couple weeks but, the hormones screwed my metabolism and hypothalamus up big time. I've lost 6/7 already but it took 6 months and I'm undoing this mess i created in my body now. ( hormone balancing therapy to come) I'm not lazy- i work out about 4-6 times a week and i LOVE being outdoors - tomorrow I'm snowboarding) So, i won't be trying to nurse our next adopted baby/child either. My kids received donated Breast milk for 4-6 months each and i use formula- hope you don't judge me for either of those. I actually HATE receiving GIFTS unless you know i need/want them or they are extremely heartfelt. I always have. BUT, i love GIVING GIFTS- so odd, right? And i like them to be purposeful and needed as well as cute when possible!
KONA, HAWAII ( I freaking LOVE the OCEAN)
And I cannot wait for Summer- I HATE homework and being in charge of helping our kids to get cap like that done ( unless its fun like crafty and dressing up for a character or writing a story etc) But, I do it anyways or get a tutor.
What about YOU? leave a comment- Tell me something about you we might not know!
( comments will be viewed then approved to share! )
Until Next time- GO AND LOVE YOURSELF AS YOU ARE and BE OPEN AND VULNERABLE- we all need authentic, honest, raw truth with ourselves and our friends/ community. Be THAT!
Going to conquer my mountain of dishes now- wish me luck!