Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I've been thinking about this as I've been moving boxes around, unpacking and decluttering!
It takes a while to really feel AT HOME in your new space. Its nothing you can rush, or it just ends up frustrating you to no end! The same goes with your birth parent relationships...
Remember when (if you've had this already) you first started communications with your child's birth parents? You'd respond in a timely manner, thinking things through before you said or wrote them. You'd spend hours thinking about them and how they were doing.
Sometimes when AC's ( adoptive couples) RUSH to UNLOAD on a EP ( expectant parent) it scares them away. NO one likes every bit of info thrust onto them about anyone.
TAKE IT SLOW. Don't avoid topics, just don't feel the need to pour it all out at once.
Communication is also like planting new seeds. If you give it the right soil( timing) and the right amount of nourishment (trust) something good is bound to spring forth! If you over-water or under-water the seeds- you will not end up with what you are hoping for!
BUILD a FOUNDATION. As you build that trusting friendship, you will feel more comfortable in your relationship and your abilities to share. BE HONEST and not eager to please your birth parents. There is wisdom in this as deceit will crumble any relationship almost instantly!
And when your relationship is strengthened, its time too...
SETTLE IN... Set some boundaries and open some other ones up for discussion. Find out what works best for all parties. Dive into REAL things and SILLY things too. Have Fun with your kid's birth parents and don't be afraid to call them if too much time has passed! They don't bite in most cases!
Our relationships are what you'd consider VERY OPEN and it works for us! Our son's BP's are coming for his 1st B-day ( most hopefully) and we couldn't be happier! Jessica is staying with us, in our home, which is not an issue for us.
I had a lady ask me about his birth parents a few weeks back... "How long do you have to Have them around?" I was unsure exactly what she mean by that but i replied " I get to have them in our lives forever! We are so blessed and lucky that his birth parents are amazing, wonderful people!" Her response was something like " Oh, really, Okay!"
*Don't forget to head over to the Colorado FSA blog to sign up for the Conference On June 8th & 9th!