Our Family ~ Nov 2017

Our Family ~ Nov 2017

Thursday, April 6, 2017

In All Fairness...

Over the last couple of days, I have been talking with different Agencies and attorneys and I needed some time to reflect upon all this new information I've been processing. I've been talking to ones in the East and MAN, they do things very differently over there and I'm kind of taken aback- like WAY BACK- 50 yrs or so... WHY? Because one agency told me they are TRADITIONAL meaning they are not FOR open adoptions at all. In Fact, you never meet the expectant mom before she has the baby and you don't come to the hospital or anything until papers are signed.

In my heart, that's not right- how would you NOT want to form a relationship with the woman who is choosing you to parent Her child? And in that sentence, I realized that back even 15-20 years ago- most women didn't even have the choice to meet the couples hoping to adopt. That just wasn't the way they did things.

Any who, now things are different and We have the choice to build relationships if that's what the expectant mom wants . And right there is where My heading comes from! IF THAT'S WHAT THE BIRTH MOM/PARENTS WANT...

SO, in all Fairness to the future child/ren we adopt- WE MUST choose the side of love and OPENNESS with whomever chooses our family. I'm sure this will be something they want too- it will be more natural and not forced but may look differently than what we have now.. I can't have my three kids now getting visits ( however they may look) and have one or two kids getting no visits/letters/ packages/ chatting on the phone with them etc. My kid's birth parents are all unique and different and we love them- as they are and of course, hope for only the best in their own lives. I'm blessed every day that they choose to communicate and love on the kids and our whole family. Every visit is treasured, even if it's short. Even if it's just asking each other lots of questions or a quick bite to eat or visit at the Park. Not every vacation is going to be like Peru or Hawaii together but, Each is important and I can't deny one kid that while the others have it.

I've watched from a distance my friends kid have horrible depression b/c she watches her brothers' birth mom come and visit and her birth mom hardly ever sees or calls her. Its too hard on a Kid and MORE LOVE IS ALWAYS BETTER. But, of course if the birth parent needs to step back for a while- then of course it will happen. We all heal in different ways and times of our journey.

 SO, I will not Willingly and knowingly go into a closed or semi-open ( meaning only pictures/letters once a year) adoption. It's just not gonna happen. WE love our kid's birth parents, cousins, aunts, uncles , grandmas & grandpas WAY TOO MUCH! Totally blessed by you all!!!!

PS- we had a visit with Kara last week for 3 days, Jessica for two days and in FEB had a trip to Peru with Dustin and Gma Tammy. And if you didn't know- Josh ( uncle josh who is Dustins little brother- lives with us currently)

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