My Dreams?

SO, I have had lots of people say something like this to me " I bet your so happy, your dreams came true and your able to have another baby  " or " You must be thrilled you are having one of your own again!"  How exciting to be able to have another REAL child!"

( let me clear my throat khmmm....) My responses to this are like what i posted on my FB page...

"This ( being pregnant) isn't MY dream! I never dreamed I'd stay pregnant after i had Aria and several miscarriages. I have kind of given up on MY DREAMS b/c they are too limited in perspective. 

 I've Adopted God's Dreams for ME! It works out better and is more adventurous this way. I will take my children however they come ,from me or through adoption makes no difference at all to me ( except i get the all the weight gain and a few hours of pushing!)"

And I am serious and a rattlesnake bite about this. I am no more or less excited about having a bio child as i am about how my other children came to our family through adoption. 

Now, if we were talking I"M GOD AND IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE DREAMS- this is how it would have went... We adopted B, waited 2 years, got pregnant, Had A, adopted a Philipino girl when Aria was 2.5, adopted Gavin 2 years later, adopted a mixed race sibling set through foster care, then adopted 2 girls from china or the Philippines  when I'm about 36ish!


SEE! The Lord has a different plan than i do! And i LOVE His plan with all the craziness. let me reiterate- I SIGNED UP FOR THE RIDE ON GOD'S ROLLER COASTER, I PAID THE ADMISSION and I'M UP FOR WHATEVER THAT ENTAILS!


And in Earnest- I'm Terrified of what life with 4 is going to be like! Until i can fathom that and pisk up some better time management skills- We are waiting on doing Foster Care. I need to stay sane and raise my 2 babies for a while- then we will get the ball rolling again! That's what feels most right to me- I'm not SuperWoman or Super Human- Just  ME! And that's enough for now! 


BTW Here's my belly NOW!

Infertility and Worry...

So, most of you who have lived through infertility and miscarriage, understand how those 2 words go together. It's almost like my brain won't let my heart comprehend that I'm actually pregnant.
I'm doing fine now, not so sick or anything but, mentally, it's still tough and exhausting. No matter how much I say " whatever happens, happens!" Or other things  like that- I sound negative.

After 5 miscarriages over my 10 years of marriage, how can i expect that "THIS ONE WILL MAKE IT" without a shadow of doubt or worry. I really would be lying if I acted as though everything is just fine all the time. I know that as the baby gets closer to term my chances increase to successfully have a baby who lives! Our old caseworker wouldn't even remove couples profiles who got pregnant till they reached the feasible state where a baby will most likely live! In his thoughts that's 28 weeks! I agree with that b/c I've had friends lose at all kinds of different timelines in their pregnancies!

My point is that Worry is natural for us infertility gals who are prego! It's normal and most of try not to let it consume our thoughts all the the time. And through prayer i have been able to have worry-free days too! And honestly, i'm sure i will worry until about 36 weeks! My likelihood is much higher after that to delivery a healthy baby! But, I won't freak out too much on all the what if's, i promise. I'm just gonna rock this belly and have a great summer and count each day as a blessing! That's all i can do- take one precious day at a time!

Amazing Couples... Hoping for a Miracle!

Tim and Sarah R. 

Jeff & Ciara

Jared and Amber

Ryan and Camille

Jeff & Mindy

JD & Amanda

These are all couples i have met personally! I will post more if a few days! Please spread the word so, families can be united through adoption! It's truly a miracle!

oh boy... time to try and catch up

SO, this will take me a few weeks. I'm finally feeling better but, still get nauseated from time to time. Good news though, I heard a great heartbeat yesterday and on Saturday i will be 16 weeks. Still not out of the woods yet but praying each day- this one will make it!

So, we had a great trip to Nashville which i will talk about in another post...









This is G at the Carton Plantation!



And Gavin had his birthday and his Sealing to us as well! So, what that means is he is part of our family FOREVER now, not just on earth but, for eternity! It was so awesome and G made conversation with the pretty chandelier above his head in the sealing room. He was pleasant and chatty and it went smoothly!

We had both his birth parents here and their family members and there will also be a full post on this too! My mom was a huge help for the 2 weeks she was here and everyone was so helpful as i hung in there with my nausea. I was very sick and couldn't hold anything down the very next day after everyone left! It was awful.
But, all in all, we are doing great, getting back into the swing of things, finishing projects, gardening, shopping, puppy training ( we got a dog too), trying to just function normally some days and what ever else we can squeeze in like car shopping and getting back to the gym and swimming !  I guess life never slows down much!

As for Foster Care, the caseworker said we could wait till we are ready ( after baby) or do it whenever- there is no stipulation on pregnancy. I think we will have to wait, for sanity's sake, and I will need to figure how to function as a mother of 4, with 2 in school and 2 in diapers! As my late Grandpa Leonard would say... For Heaven's Sakes, Billy Jean!( his wife) but this time, enter my name in here! Yep, our life is crazy and we are just doing all we can! I am so grateful every single day that I get the luxury of staying home with my children.( thanks Brandon, my fab hubby) Till next time!. Adieu!