My Dreams?

SO, I have had lots of people say something like this to me " I bet your so happy, your dreams came true and your able to have another baby  " or " You must be thrilled you are having one of your own again!"  How exciting to be able to have another REAL child!"

( let me clear my throat khmmm....) My responses to this are like what i posted on my FB page...

"This ( being pregnant) isn't MY dream! I never dreamed I'd stay pregnant after i had Aria and several miscarriages. I have kind of given up on MY DREAMS b/c they are too limited in perspective. 

 I've Adopted God's Dreams for ME! It works out better and is more adventurous this way. I will take my children however they come ,from me or through adoption makes no difference at all to me ( except i get the all the weight gain and a few hours of pushing!)"

And I am serious and a rattlesnake bite about this. I am no more or less excited about having a bio child as i am about how my other children came to our family through adoption. 

Now, if we were talking I"M GOD AND IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE DREAMS- this is how it would have went... We adopted B, waited 2 years, got pregnant, Had A, adopted a Philipino girl when Aria was 2.5, adopted Gavin 2 years later, adopted a mixed race sibling set through foster care, then adopted 2 girls from china or the Philippines  when I'm about 36ish!


SEE! The Lord has a different plan than i do! And i LOVE His plan with all the craziness. let me reiterate- I SIGNED UP FOR THE RIDE ON GOD'S ROLLER COASTER, I PAID THE ADMISSION and I'M UP FOR WHATEVER THAT ENTAILS!


And in Earnest- I'm Terrified of what life with 4 is going to be like! Until i can fathom that and pisk up some better time management skills- We are waiting on doing Foster Care. I need to stay sane and raise my 2 babies for a while- then we will get the ball rolling again! That's what feels most right to me- I'm not SuperWoman or Super Human- Just  ME! And that's enough for now! 


BTW Here's my belly NOW!