The Christian Crew

- its how we respond to it that makes us different! for example- take myself! On the outside I'm a gung-ho momma on the move, always crafting, baking, working out, playing with kids, planning parties and playdates and otherwise keeping busy. Looking at me you'd never know that I have fears- big fears! Like the ones that could consume my every thought if I let them. But, i don't and I'm finally okay with admitting that it's okay to feel this way- slightly scared of what may be ahead. And out of control for the most part.  You see having had 5 miscarriages, already I'm basically pre-programmed to fail in this arena of my life. So, how do i deal with that?- I expect failure and am pleasantly surprised when a baby succeeds to a full term birth- in/ from my womb. And every opportunity I get to think that the baby may not be living- I pounce on it so, I can prepare myself from FEELING SAD! YEP, I psych myself into this subliminal preparatory mindset- that I ...

We got to see a private showing of this awesome Movie tonight- thanks to Disney and the NCFA for paying for a FULL theatre of viewers to watch this fabulous story unfold. Without blowing the whole story I will tell you a bit about it... This sweet couple hopes and tries and prays to have a child but, to no avail after rounds of infertility treatments. It starts off by them telling their story to two speculating people. After she finds out ( Jennifer Garner) that they won't be having a baby via the traditional route- she goes in her Nursery room, plays the sweet snow globe music and BAWLS! This story brings out the raw feelings and emotions of hope and joy and pain that infertile couples and adoptive parents feel. It's sprinkled with cute humor and candid honesty and tons of love when things are not exactly NORMAL in your world. I loved the end the most, of course, and my husband and I were both crying so many happy tears as we snuggled our girls on our laps and tho...

Hah! So before i left for vacation, i had an ultrasound and the baby is healthy- No, we didn't find out the gender or anything, just that all necessary parts are there and functioning properly! BUT... they said my due date was A MONTH OFF!!! Of course i was trying to keep cool but recollecting that there is no possible way i conceived the wee we moved into our new home. NOW WAY at all! A month- come on- that's Bull! Fortunately- women with PCOS commonly have off due dates by a few weeks or the babies grow a little slower due to a lot of factors and ( even though i have had mostly regular cycles for the last 15 months) since i had a miscarriage in Jan and a cycle in FEB- there is NO WAY i would have ovulated 8 weeks later so, I'm guessing we are off a week to two weeks NOT A MONTH- which puts me at dec. 10th is but the window is Nov. 28th - Dec 26th I will start to worry the day after Christmas if the baby isn't here! Well, all is well now, lots has happened but, ...

We are having a fun summer so far! Sorry for not blogging as much! I will do it sooner than later! Everyone is healthy- i'm almost 20 weeks- ready to know the baby is still living inside me! I haven't felt it move all that much but, i know that is part of the deal. I could be mistaking it for gas or whatever! We are going to UT next week for Kara's lil' sister's wedding! We will get to see both Brielle's birth family and Gavin's birth family in one trip- It will be fantastic! We are happy for Megan( Kara's sis) and her fiance! She is a great gal and so fun! she was 14 when Brielle was born and now she is a young lady emerging as a bride! catch ya later!

SO, I have had lots of people say something like this to me " I bet your so happy, your dreams came true and your able to have another baby  " or " You must be thrilled you are having one of your own again!"  How exciting to be able to have another REAL child!" ( let me clear my throat khmmm....) My responses to this are like what i posted on my FB page... "This ( being pregnant) isn't MY dream! I never dreamed I'd stay pregnant after i had Aria and several miscarriages. I have kind of given up on MY DREAMS b/c they are too limited in perspective.   I've Adopted God's Dreams for ME! It works o ut better and is more adventurous this way. I will take my children however they come ,from me or through adoption makes no difference at all to me ( except i get the all the weight gain and a few hours of pushing!)" And I am serious and a rattlesnake bite about this. I am no more or less excited about having a bio child as...

So, most of you who have lived through infertility and miscarriage, understand how those 2 words go together. It's almost like my brain won't let my heart comprehend that I'm actually pregnant. I'm doing fine now, not so sick or anything but, mentally, it's still tough and exhausting. No matter how much I say " whatever happens, happens!" Or other things  like that- I sound negative. After 5 miscarriages over my 10 years of marriage, how can i expect that "THIS ONE WILL MAKE IT" without a shadow of doubt or worry. I really would be lying if I acted as though everything is just fine all the time. I know that as the baby gets closer to term my chances increase to successfully have a baby who lives! Our old caseworker wouldn't even remove couples profiles who got pregnant till they reached the feasible state where a baby will most likely live! In his thoughts that's 28 weeks! I agree with that b/c I've had friends lose at all kinds o...

Tim and Sarah R.  Jeff & Ciara Jared and Amber Ryan and Camille Jeff & Mindy JD & Amanda These are all couples i have met personally! I will post more if a few days! Please spread the word so, families can be united through adoption! It's truly a miracle!