The Power of a Playing Parent: Book Review

WELL, this book, though shorter than I expected, took me a bit longer to read because I would STOP reading to go PLAY with my kids!

Cara, the author, lays out all the things that STOP us from playing and gives you insight to the POWERS of play. She shares personal stories, like her adoption of Bernard and Silvanie, from Haiti! I connected with her and I have always felt like a very playful mother with my kiddos ( just look at that huge pile of laundry).

 In fact, I constantly get off task b/c i'd rather play a game, make a craft, bake together or play along with my kids. BUT, I did notice a few things I was not doing!

Many times, I am not letting my kids choose or direct the play time. I also get distracted by the stupid small electronic boxes we all carry around. I am aware now and am grateful and am LOVING engaging with my kiddos, slowing down and connecting with them too.

There are so many good things to learn from her book! I highly recommend it to all parents!

GET IT HERE!


Thank you Cara for sharing your heart and love with us and inviting us all into your life in this book!
God Bless you, George and your 4 kids!!!

 

why i do what i do...

I'm not a perfect person and I often put my foot in my mouth! I have been asked several times why I am doing a BIRTH PARENT RETREAT when I'm not a birth parent... So, hopefully, you can understand WHY after you read this post!


When I was teenager,  I woke up one morning in a world of PAIN! I thought my insides were dying and I went to the ER. My mom held my hand and they did an ultrasound and found out I had a
ruptured ovarian cyst that was causing the pain. Often times, women have these but they don't really

 

feel them as dramatically or they are smaller when they rupture. Other times, women just think its the pain associated with aunt flo! But as the tech did my ultrasound he also saw LOTS of scar tissue/endomitrial tissue on the lining of my uterus. The Dr. was frank with me and said- I will probably never have children or it will be very difficult if I do have them. Either way the outcome seemed so grim at the time.

 My mom had this CD she used to play ( may have been a tape and YES, I am THAT old!) and it had this very pretty song that I remembered loving. It's Called "From God's Arms, To My Arm's , to Yours."

Please watch it NOW- if you have never heard it before( if so, skip on down:)

 

I would listen to this over and over again but after this diagnosis- it spoke volumes to me. It helped me realize that I can adopt to become a mother and that a women would be saying these things to ME one day. I huge feeling of reverence and love hit me to the core for birth mothers. And Peace filled my Soul and I knew this would be a HUGE part of my life. Adoption would be so special to me and my future husband!

I agonized telling guys I was dating that I may not be able to have kids. I got rejected after dropping that bomb some times but, I was honest. I had no idea how immense this was for some people but, I knew when it was the RIGHT guy- this wouldn't matter to him.

God put these beautifully broken parts of my heart together the day I told my husband . We were dating and after a few months I wanted him to meet my mom! Somehow, I had forgotten to tell him about this diagnosis. Here I was, on the way to a BIG first meeting and I forgot to tell him this BIG piece of info? So, I unloaded it on him in the car on a very long drive! It was something like " Oh, so by the way, I may not be able to have kids on my own so, I plan on adopting - just so you know!" he waited for a brief suspenseful second and Said " Well, that's cool b/c I AM ADOPTED!"

WHEEEW- what a relief! And BTW he told me he wanted to adopt like 8-12 kids that trip :)

We later Married and you can read all about my story and my kids birth parents on our pages and I will share a bit more about neat experiences I have had over my lifetime involved with adoption and birth parents in the upcoming posts!

I have had a great love for this GROUP of people since I was a kid- Birth Parents gave ME HOPE, have shown me STRENGTH beyond words, Have enriched and BLESSED my family. Birth parents- gave me my AMAZING Husband and 2 of our precious children. They are part of my family , my cousins, my step mom. Birth parents have given life to 7 great grandkids in my family! I am so THANKFUL and words are not enough- SO,  I set out to do something more- CELEBRATE and GIVE BACK to a group of people who deserve the WORLD.  In you, I see what is best in humanity- the ability to love deeper than most people will ever be able to comprehend.

God knows YOU- birth moms and birth dads-  and that Your Love is stronger than most! 

I hope all that CAN attend- will attend! God Bless! And there are not enough words to thank the many people who have made this DREAM a reality- We are at 38 in attendance! My goal was 12-20 but, God made it Grow and so did all of you amazing people! Contact me if you have any ?'s or want to HELP in anyway- give back to this amazing community! We do have some simple needs and 2 birth parents who currently need to be sponsored!
~CC

 

Finding Zoe: Book Review

Brandi takes you on an interesting journey as a child who is born hearing but loses her abilities b/c of a sickness she gets in her youth. You go through the emotions of herself, her parents and friends and family who learn how to navigate this very NEW challenge. She Braves it like a champ and in her young adulthood challenges what Others think of The Deaf Community, laws, closed captioning and so much more. She conquers her fears and motivates others along the way to becoming Ms. Deaf America!


 She later gets married and has three HEARING sons with her husband, who is also deaf, and together they had always talked about the day they would have a little bouncy, blonde girl who signs and is as Strong as her momma! But, God leads them down a different Path and that has many bumps in the road and they eventually put there papers in for China to adopt a little girl... BUT, what happens next? Well, You will have to read about it yourself.


In the Meantime, while Brandi and Tim are raising their boys and getting ready for adoption, There is a teenage girl somewhere, just learning that she is pregnant! There is another couple involved in this story and they too are hoping to adopt. Where will this journey take them? You will just have to find out!

GET IT HERE!

 

Open Adoption, Open Heart & Open Arms : Book Reviews

You would think after being involved with Adoption for so many years, that I would be jaded by how AMAZING other people's stories are- BUT, I'm not Jaded! I LOVE hearing, reading listening to how God works out all the details and all the timing to help expectant parents find the adoptive families and how both parties are an answer to each other's prayers!

I happen to GROW up with this guy as a Pseudo- older brother! Russ was best friends with Todd, my oldest brother. I watched them play sports together, dub over Muppet movies and star wars, have fun on the lake, going to youth dances, going TP-ing, sliding down sand mountain and jumping off the 27ft drop into the river! Life was GOOD when you were hanging with the Elkins family!

A few years back we all connected on FB and found out that He was an adoptive dad and He realized I was an adoptive mom, married to an adoptee! That was pretty cool to see this connection in our lives. Among us, we have about 10 other couples we know of collectively ( probably more) that have also been blessed through the miracle of adoption who are from our small town.

I recently was able to read BOTH his books and loved them. Both stories are so different and yet you see a lot of common threads in your own life of being an adoptive parent. He has great books that are frank, funny, unique, honest and vulnerable as He discusses his experience as the MAN in this situation ( b/c I know you all sick of us WOMEN Gabbing about it:)!

Check the reviews out here and Get your Reading on!
 

Our family and Insight...

 

 Mother's Day was Wonderful- lots of flowers, homemade truffles, breakfast in bed, the kids singing at church, steaks for dinner, angel food with whipped cream and strawberries for dessert and great company too!  I couldn't have asked for a better day (minus a touch of whining that is in every day)...

 

I just didn't think I would LOSE it today and cry during class! We discussed Christ's parables about the lost sheep, the woman's lost coin and the prodigal son. The one that hit me the most was the woman who had 10 coins and lost one...

 

"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents" (Luke 15:8-10).

In the illustration, the sinner is likened to a valuable coin which has been lost. The woman does not take a lax attitude towards her lost possession. No. First she lights a lamp, necessarily expending oil, so that she can see clearly. Next, instead of simply glancing here and there, she uses a broom or some utensil to sweep her house so that she can reach places that might otherwise be inaccessible to her. Above all, she searches carefully. There is no hint of indifference, only diligence. This coin was valuable; she must find it at all costs.

 

I sat there thinking to myself- I am that woman- but, looking for my lost child/ren- not a coin. Am I sweeping the floors and looking in every nook and cranny to find the precious soul that is lost from us. The ones who have not yet made it here to our family? What is holding me back from seeking diligently?

 

I bawled as these words ran across my mind- I cannot be complacent or indifferent or expect that God will just open the heavens and drop a child into our family!

 YES we are hoping, NO- I'm not seeking- BUT WE SHOULD BE?

 Each soul is so precious to Him and to Us.

 

So, what was holding me back?

 FEAR and Judgment...

 

I think deep down I am afraid of heart break if we are chosen and then placement doesn't happen.

I'm afraid of building that close relationship with another birth family and them thinking I am not all I blog to be! I am afraid other adoptive parents will be ticked off if we adopt another child and they still wait for one child. I am afraid they will think I am just trying to be greedy or am selfish. I think others will judge me b/c I already have four and what could she possibly think she is capable of?

I am so sad when I think of the kids in the orphanages and we desire to adopt from there as well but, what if the international home study denies us, or if it takes 4-6 years?

 

These are all valid fears but, Fear comes from the Adversary (satan) and LOVE comes from God.

And now that I am having the self awareness that I too can operate out of fear- I CHOSE to NOT give credence to Fear Anymore!  SO what, people will always judge and think whatever they want to think of me, my family, our life etc- I could honestly care less! So, some will be mad that we are hoping to adopt again- the children that come in our family were never meant for anyone else anyways! What I care about is how God Sees me and judges me and we are Following His divine inspiration to have our family grow through adoption! 

 

Yes, we may get hurt and disappointed but, these are part of our learning experiences and I can't worry about all the WHAT ifs! There are just too many- and if God sees fit for us to add another Child or Children to our family- nothing will Stand in His Way.  I will Trust in His timing and His LOVE for us! Whether we wait for a few years or we get a call tomorrow- we will be thrilled and Embrace His Will for our Family!

 

We will be Ready For Whatever and Whomever Comes our way and LOVE IT!

 

So grateful for my friend for snapping a quick pic on Mother's Day!

The early pictures were all pretty typical- kids looking every which way, some not wanting to even smile and others ready to leap out of your arms but, we survived a 2 minute shoot and at least one is good! 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birth Mother's Day!

God is so Good! I am Amazed How he has changed our family through the Miracle of Adoption and three incredible women!

 And to Brandon's Birth mom...

Mother's Day & Emotions!

Happy Mother's Day to you all! This day holds many special memories for me. Both good, sad & all that made me reflect on the kind of mother I have and the kind of mom I want to be.

I remember the 4 years of being married and not being a mother yet- the first 2 were fine but, the next two STUNG and I was even asked to talk on mother's day at church, that 4th year. It was a small dagger in my side( mainly b/c we didn't share with others that we were trying and miscarrying) as I went on and on about the beauty of motherhood, while I lacked being one, due to infertility issues. But, it was only 9 months after that when I became a mother! I never gave up hope that it would happen one day!

Because of an incredibly selfless birth mom, Kara, I sat that 5th yr of our marriage, in the pew, holding this sweet little baby so tightly! Brielle was a dream baby and we were just

embarking on what Parenting was really like. The 6th year, I was pregnant and loathing the Dry Heat of Las Vegas and feeling so much compassion for every woman who came before me, who-ever had children! Being pregnant was HARD on me and though I was grateful, it took a toll on my body and spirit! I often thought of Kara and my mom and the sweat and tears that went into labor and delivery. I cried even more for Kara After I had Aria! I didn't even want to think about what she was feeling in the hospital after she had this tiny girl and what was ahead of her, at placement time.

I Also thought about Betty ( Brandon's mom), the 8+ years her Arms were empty and how discouraging it must have been. It was difficult for her as she watched her siblings having their 6th , 7th and 8th kids while she sat childless. No one wishes that on their worst enemy. I imagine she was BEAMING the year she sat with little baby Brandon in her arms and what she must have thought. I know there is gratitude for His birth mom and her decision to place. I am Grateful for Her on mother's day too!

We met Jessica about 14 days before mothers day, I sat in church with my family and little SECRET I was keeping b/c we didn't tell anyone ( well, just a couple people)! I thought about Jess and again what would be the hardest part ahead of her. I have grown to understand that I only have a FRACTION of the strength a birth mother has. I hold these women in such high regard and that will never change. I remember trying to be so stoic and HAPPY on placement day but, as I loaded that tiny sweet Mini Man into his car seat, in the hall of the hospital, after placement- I LOST IT. I felt a wave of GUILT rush over me- followed by a sense of PEACE and CHRISTLIKE love for all the people and events that just took place. I bawled and just collapsed for a moment on the floor. It was overwhelming!  Again, I became a Mother to another wonderful child.

I remember finding out I was pregnant in April of 2012 and I didn't hide it but, I did NOT believe it would stick. I did the protocol and got an ultrasound and went to my midwife appts but, it wasn't until 21 weeks that I decided it was okay for me to be HAPPY and get excited for this one ( I had 5 miscarriages already)! So that Mother's Day I SANG in church with some other ladies about all the Simple Things a mother does and it HIT me, as it does every year, that I needed to TRUST GOD and that whatever happened - it would be okay!

I had Slade a few days after my birthday in January. It was natural, painful temporarily and FAST! We had a BOY, a Brother for Gavin- who could ask for more? Everyone was excited- He was everybody's baby! I felt that mother's instinct to enjoy every precious second and a wave of emotion as I knew He would be my last biological child- and It would be just fine. God's promptings made it clear to me and my hubby that although my body had " done it's time" in trying to get children to our family- He had another Plan- a Better plan.

As I nursed Slade for the very last time, quietly sitting in his room, I sobbed and sobbed and that bittersweet feeling and almost audible words- rushed over and through me again- "You are not done mothering but, there will be no other child that will come from you. You have done all I have asked of you and now, another journey awaits, When it is the right time to find your children."

I'm a MOTHER to 4 beautiful kids who make my life beautifully crazy! I wouldn't have them without 2 other Amazing mothers- Kara & Jess. I wouldn't have my husband without Betty having raised him and Jane having Placed him. He is such a GREAT man who gives me the luxury of staying at home with my kiddos- kissing boo boos, digging for worms with my boys, playing on the swings, or in the rain, wiping tears and laughing till it hurts! I wouldn't be a Mother without my mom teaching me and guiding me and instilling love and values in me. I'm far from perfect and I will never claim to be. I'm utterly indebted to these many women and always will be!

~I can't wait to see what the future holds for our family and how our children will find their way to us and to have that part of my heart filled. That part that aches to know that where ever these future children are- that they and their birth mothers are surrounded by love!

~~To my childless friends and Family- YOU ARE MOTHERING when you teach others, when you nurse others to health, when you support other mothers who are having a hard time. You are valued and I Hope you know that God knows you and Loves you too and if you are not able to bare children- there are other ways, if you are led to these ways and open enough to receive these blessings. 

Adoption is not everyone's choice but, I know that some people never even consider it. I don't know why and I feel like people are missing out on such an intensely beautiful part of their lives b/c they are so closed off to it! For Us- It's a Miracle, a Blessing, A joy, and OUR FAMILY! We wouldn't be who we are without it!

Happy Birth Mother's Day and Happy Mother's Day to all you awesome Ladies!!!

how can time fly by so fast...

well, try moving 2 times in 2 years and adding two kids along with those moves-Oh and switch companies and become a business partner owner... That's how it all seems so fast! I can't believe we are planning Gavin's 4th Birthday already- it's bittersweet!



 He is SUCH A JOY now that he is out of the terrible twos and is doing so much better as a big brother and overall, little person. I'm not sure if I ever shared his 2nd year with everyone but let's just condense it to a few words- Fecal fiesta- every other day, lots of dirt, yelling, messes and screaming! It was HARD and I'm so glad he is speaking so well now- most of his yelling was in frustration that we couldn't understand what he wanted or was try to say.

Enjoy some BABY pics of this little man!!!

 

5 days old...

 
 
 
10 months old

 7 months old

 

this weekend- 4 years ago...

We headed out to UTAH on a SECRET TRIP to meet JESSICA- and to SEE if we would bond the way we did over the phone/ email etc...  Let me back up a bit...

Our first contact from her was via email on April 7th!  We were setting up for an adoption conference  that day and we had just finished our CPR class and told our caseworker that we were switching to Foster care b/c we were ready and wanted to see what it was like. He went on about how a cute couple in Grand Junction just got an email from an expectant mom. That night- I got home and we had this email in our inbox too!!!

"Hello, my name is Jessica. I am not entirely sure how to go about this but, i am seriously considering adoption, my due date is May 24th and there are a few families that i have been considering. I don't really have any questions for you at the moment but if you have any please feel free to email back. Thank you.

Please respond by: EMAIL"

WE FREAKED OUT! I told our case worker the next day at the conference that we got an email and He told me- he though it was  a mistake or a duplicate accidently sent to my email... I was SAD but, I still inquired and asked her about what drew her to our family ( just to be sure it wasn't a duplicate email). Here's a part of her response...

"Hey-

Things are going well thank you, I am not sure what it was that i liked about your profile but, i kept remembering your red flowers in you and your daughters hair :) haha. my pregnancy has not been that bad actually other then being sore all the time and not being able to sleep on my stomach ha. I live in Utah i am staying with my parents till the baby is born, i am 22 and i am a massage therapist so at least i can get massages every once in a while :) my family and friends are very supportive and have been a great help to me. I actually didn't tell them i was pregnant till a couple of weeks ago i was sure my dad was going to shoot my brains out but he was very calm and has done everything he can to help and be there for me. Like i said earlier my due date is may 24th so i am about 33 weeks along i am having a boy. i have 6 other brothers and sisters i am the second oldest i love to sing and swim and be with my family and hang out with friends. we have 3 dogs, 5 cats and 4 bunnies so its a full house haha. its very cool of you to be so open and understanding, if you have any more questions for me just let me know thank you for emailing me back, i hope you have a good rest of the day!"

 

I KNEW IT WASNT A MISTAKE! And so we connected and talked and built a friendship for the next few weeks- then we took our trip to meet her!

It was that NERVOUS FIRST MEETING with an expectant mom, who was considering us! We already knew she was fun and had a sense of humor and was gorgeous- we just didn't know if WE WERE IT for sure!

After the 9.5 ours in the car, we didn't even stop to freshen up and the  adoption office had already closed that we were going to meet at so, we decided to meet at the MALL ( like, we are totally teens at heart:).   We got there before Jess did and our phones were dying and we went to the store to plug them in ( I forgot my charger;) and we paced the floor waiting for her arrival. We were nervous, excited, worried she might not show and Eager most of all, to meet this awesome person.

Finally- She and her entourage arrived and we hugged and said hellos and met her grandma and step mom and went over to grab a bite to eat and get the kids on the carousel while we talked! We asked all kinds of questions and made some small talk and began a fun dialogue that led us to going over to her parents place! We met the rest of the family and it felt so natural- like we had known them for a long time.

The home was filled with kids of all ages and we found out that Her step mom had adopted her son- 8 years earlier and another marriage ago! We also found out that we had a common name we both liked.. It was a weird series of events that led us to that middle name that is SURELY suited to this mini man!

Back up about 8 hours - during our car trip... Brandon and I discussed names we liked- lots of good ones to choose from... Slade, Troy, Gavin, Gage and Dane were at the top of our list. We tried on many middle names and the one that seemed so FUN and COOL and TOUGH was the name DANGER!!! Yep, And it sounded best with GAVIN... Gavin Danger! Meanwhile- Jess had been calling her baby PUMA, while in the womb!...

Back to us- heading to her parents house and chatting... we see this cool cat running around the house and she called him DANGER! We were like " oh crap, she is never gonna go for that name now" in our heads! Then we asked her why she called the baby PUMA...

She recounted her dad and step mom wanting to adopt a child from Haiti when all the stuff was going on over there. They thought it would be cool to name a boy ( if they adopted) the name...
PUMA DANGER!

"That's Nuts- b/c we like the name GAVIN- b/c your Irish/Scottish and DANGER b/c it's AWESOME!!! WHO woulda THUNK we would all think DANGER was a cool middle name?
BUT, she still hadn't told us that she was choosing us for sure that night. We all decided that would be his name though and it was Unanimous!

We departed for the night and met up in the morning to run around together! I wanted to go to the
Kencraft Candy outlet  and Ikea! So, we picked up Jessica and as we were driving- with all I could muster.. I ASKED HER... " So, you may be still figuring out this but, when you do know who you are going to choose... Can you let us know as soon as you know?" And she kind of giggled ( as she often does) Oh , No... It's you guys- FOR SURE! And that was that! We were to be his parents but, we knew she would have to actually face that decision after He was in her Arms!

We had a fantastic rest of our visit and running around ( I wore heels and tripped down the stairs at Ikea and Brandon and Jess just CRACKED up- Thanks guys!) And I made some lasagna for the whole family and we got to know each other so well for such a quick visit. I shot a few sweet pics of her with us and some maternity shots and we hugged and shared the precious little time we had- then went back home to CO- to prepare and wait for this GD- kids' Arrival ( tee hee- Gavin Danger or Gosh Darn:) !!!