What I mean is adoptive couples can be so funny to think that they are competing with other adoptive couples. This last week I have talked with a few people who have helped me realize that my sunny outlook on adoption is not shared with everyone!
Some people actually think that AP's are trying to one up each other to WIN a birth mom or a baby? That is so pathetic to hear.
I also heard that some people feel entitled to ADOPT and that God or the Church OWES them b/c they've done everything right so, why should they be punished with infertility? It's that sense of entitlement that is the detriment of th
ese poor hopeful couples.
Adopting a baby is NOT a contest to be won and birth mothers are not to be poached or tricked by couples who are not being honest with them! That makes me so sick to my stomach and I'm sorry to say that these certain people need to understand the Atonement and their own personal relationship with God!
When a birthmom selects a couple and placement happens- It is a miracle! Couples should not be jealous of others who adopt, as though they took that chance away from them. Or if someone is selected and they already have a kid or two ( no matter how they came into the family) It is wrong to say things like " You should adopt older and leave the babies for people who don't have any" The fact of the matter is that THESE couples DO NOT UNDERSTAND the Spirit of ADOPTION!
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For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
The reason I cite this scripture is b/c God GAVE up HIS ONLY SON! He placed them in the temporary, earthly care of Mary and Joseph through immaculate conception! He KNEW that ONLY these parents could RAISE such a man to Be OUR SAVIOR! He hand Selected them b/c of the qualities they had and the PURE LOVE they developed! They were selfless parents who KNEW that Jesus wasn't just their child- But Gods and HE was to Be Everyone's Savior and Brother on this Earth! Does this sound like SELFISHNESS on anyone's PART?
Good Birth Parents do not select the couple with the most toys or trips on their blogs. They don't care about your occupations or the like. There, of course, has to be some selection criteria for them which may or may not eventually lead them to the RIGHT couple for them. God has his Hand in this process from Step one!
Whether you face failed placements, scams or infertility, these trials should draw you closer to Our Savior and God and refine our spirits. The "Spirit of Adoption" is not selfish!
D&C 88 are verses 123-126.( condensed)
"See that ye love one another; cease to be covetous; learn to impart one to another as the gospel requires.
"Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean, cease to find fault one with another...
..."And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.
Those who have gained a true testimony wish ALL people to adopt and rejoice in hearing news of others who do and other couples who get pregnant. We want all to understand the JOY of adopting a child and we pray for those women and men who chose the path of adoption whether they are expectant parents or adoptive couples. LOVE is at the Center of Adoption and No other person is supposed to adopt a baby you could have had. God does not work that way! Nor does He Bargain with you as a spoiled child tries to bargain with parents.
Brandon and I are unanimous in our feelings about the Spirit of Adoption. It's the Spirit of Christ and the Power of God enveloped in miracles! Adoption is a gift and a blessing and when the time is right and Couples have come to this understanding- all things are possible! Bitterness never is happiness. So, couples reading this post, please look inward before you judge the worthiness of other couples who want to adopt a child and the level of deserving you think they have of this Gift. What Good does it do to your soul to harvest ill feelings?
And lastly, prospective birth parents are smarter than you think- they can see through peoples charades and lies. Give them some credit! They are not a prize to be won by the highest bidder! Please respect them and love them and treat them like HUMANS! Brandon always says something funny when i say anything about him being adopted. He says" I'm adopted. It's not like i have a Virus. I'm a normal GUY!" ( i disagree- he's way better than normal) BP's should be treated as you'd treat your best friend!!!
We love you all and know for ourselves that when the time is right, we too will be blessed again! We hope for an open placement but, will leave that in the Hands of our future Angel Birth mother!
That's my 2 cents and P.S. I WILL ALWAYS BACK BIRTH PARENTS- I have 6 great friends who are birth moms and 2 cousins who are too! (Love you all too!)
2 comments:
Yep, looking at adoption as a competition can only cause anxiety. I think that we have to remember that with adoption, or with any form of parenthood that when we have kids or when we are trying to adopt that it's not about us any more, it's about the child. Children are not prizes to be won or possessions.
I can not agree with you more. You seriously took the words right out of my mouth. I also know that each birth mother is led to her adoptive family. There are reasons they find each other. This post made me think of our own adoption. Miracle #1- Our son's birthmother went in to have an abortion only to find out she was a few days too late. Miracle #2- She only wanted AA couples to adopt. We are white! Miracle #3- He found us. In the past 8 months while we have waited I have often felt like I was in some sort of meat market or puppy mill. Especially when it comes to agencies. It almost feels like the baby goes to the highest bidder or the one with the most money. I am so grateful for your post! Thank You!!!
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